Conclusions after Visiting the Water Park

After visiting St. Louis Six Flag's water park yesterday, I came to several conclusions. (You'll see I clearly had a lot of "people watching" time while I sat with my very fussy, very hot, overly tired 6 month old.) Thoughts:

1. Just because they sell that blue string bikini in your size does NOT mean you should wear it. Anywhere.

2. You're not to pick up ANY woman around here when you're wearing nothing but swim trunks and knee high socks. (Without shoes, mind you. Just the socks. In a waterpark. Yes, I did attempt a picture with my camera phone.)

3. I walked out of the water park with my husband. For like 3 full minutes. Behind a girl wearing this adorable bikini bottom smaller than my favorite maternity underwear who clearly works out her gluts 3 times a day and tans in her spare time. I'm using the "I had 2 kids" excuse. That and the "I love fast food" excuse. And I think I'll wear baggy clothes around my husband the rest of the week until that mental image of her perfectly toned rear starts to fade from his mind.

4. I thought to myself while looking at all the nakedness surrounding me that if God came back at that moment he'd probably yell, "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, WOMEN!"

5. Every teenage guy there was in heaven.

6. I couldn't help but wonder how many kids had peed in that giant wave pool.

7. If your gut hides the top portion of those tiny blue bottoms you somehow squeezed yourself into, they are NOT for you.

8. Are you old enough to have your body covered in tattoos?

And at the end of this, I'm feeling like an old, fat fart.