Patient of the Week

or POTW for short.

She's up for "Most Likely to Reek of Urine"

How else do you get proper treatment and get seen "right away" than by coming in by ambulance? Everyone knows that an ambulance ride automatically equals skipping the foreseeable torturous wait. NOT.

Arrival: Stinky rolls in on the ambulance at 7:15 and heads straight to triage.
Stats: 29 year old female.
Complaint: Pain with urinating and lower mid abdominal pain x 3 days.

Can you, unlicensed medical professional, guess what she has without reading any further? That's right. A bladder infection. An ambulance for a bladder infection. That's your tax dollars, right there.

The Scene: So she rightfully waits 6 hours at least to get seen before she gets called back. I open the door to the waiting room, 49 eyes staring back at me (one guy had only one eye). I call for her. "Stinky?" No one jumps up towards me. Out of the corner of my eye I see a lot of fumbling around occurring. Dare I peak around the corner? There sits Stinky in a WHEELCHAIR covered up in 5 hand stitched blankets, being doted upon by her mother and sister. Impossible. I understand from first hand experience that a bladder infection is painful--but her white count was not nearly THAT elevated. I approached her. "Can you not walk?" I said. "NO! It hurts too much!" she said, in shock that I would even ask such a thing of her in such frail condition. I was met with agreeing looks of shock from the endearing family members. We roll along back to the room.

"Hop up onto the stretcher for me."

Stinky's head goes down and her eyes look up at me as she smiles. "Do I have to?"

"Well the doctor's going to want to assess you when s/he gets here and you'll need to be on the bed for that. Might as well go ahead and get it over with." I smile politely.

She starts laughing and puts her head back down, shooting her eyes back up at me. Still giggling like a schoolgirl she said, "I wet my pants."

Apparently, it was so painful to walk the two steps from the wheelchair to the toilet that she just wet her pants, the wheelchair, and her blankets when she felt the urge to let loose. 29 years old! She thought this was so funny. I looked at her with one eyebrow raised. Something had to be wrong upstairs.

Let's top it off with the fact that I went in to give her her discharge papers and she would barely wake up. Wouldn't open her eyes. Would hardly turn her head towards me. And acted like she couldn't sign her name. All because of a bladder infection.

So if you see a girl with yellow crusted blankets rolling around in a wheelchair, don't stand too close or put your foot near her chair. You might get peed on.