Thursday, June 4, 2009

Free For All Yard

There must be a sign in my yard attracting idiots. Seriously. Remember a while back when we found those two teenagers getting hot and heavy in our backyard? Well, they must have passed on the word that our yard is like a free-for-all.

(Quick lesson on our yard: our neighbors on each side both have fences. We don't. There's a tiny dead end, one way street behind our house that leads to one person's home on that road. Back to the story...)

I had just gotten Drew down for a nap yesterday, and decided I was going to take 10 minutes or so to catch up my blog. While I was sitting at the computer, I saw a blue van drive slowly behind my house. I thought it strange, but the van continued on, so I thought nothing of it it came again...heading towards the dead end. As it approached the end of our lot (where the neighbors fence was about to start), the van stopped. A large woman in a long purple dress (yeah, not the fashionable maxi dress type. Think more redneck...maybe Fred's version.) got out of the van and kept her back towards it. She started yelling and throwing her arms around, motioning for the van to continue on to the house.

At this point I'm thinking those two must be in a fight. Maybe she's gonna high tail it back to wherever she came from. Maybe back to Fred's. I dunno.

Well, the van pulls off. Purple dress lady is still in my yard, ranting and raving. She starts pulling the tree limbs (which are technically the neighbors, but they hang in our yard, so I'll claim them). Her arms are still thrashing, and at this point I've decided she's psycho. (Please don't forget that I'm paranoid of someone trying to get into my home.)

So now I'm on protective parent mode. Here was my conversation with myself:

What do I do?! What do I do?!
Call the cops. Yeah, call the cops.
Where's my phone?
All the windows on the backside of the house are open. She'll see me!
*I'm now in the army crawl position, crawling across the house, looking for my phone*
It was in the bedroom, where I originally was.

Dispatch answers.
"Yes, my name is Audra Laney. I live on _____. There is a lady who was dropped off in a blue van right behind my house. She's in my backyard ranting and raving and waving her arms around." (I refrained from saying, "Get someone over here NOW!") I waited to hear, "Someone is on the way ma'am! Take cover and lock your doors!"

Um, no. My expectations are too high. They wanna know what she looks like. Race. Hair color. Size. What the van looked like.

I'm like, "Who cares?! Just come over here with your big ole guns and get her!"

"Someone will be right over, ma'am."

Seven minutes later it begins to sprinkle. Cops still haven't arrived. So the lady starts walking towards the house at the end of the dead end street. Wouldn't you know--out of my grass (read: weeds that are obviously too tall) arose a teenage boy. She'd been sitting there scolding her son (?) in my backyard. I guess their backyard wasn't good enough. Maybe there weren't any limbs in her yard to pull on.

Just as they left my property, the knights in shining armor rode in. Yes, more than one. They were at the end of the street for 10 minutes, and then they left. Without telling me what just happened in my backyard.

Anticlimatic, I know.

And the worst part? I spent Drew's entire naptime spying on Ms. Wannabe Maxidress yell at her son and didn't get a shower.

So now I'm thinking we need to take up a fundraiser to build us a fence. Just leave in the comment box however much you're willing to donate.

1 comment:

Wade said...

And you didn't get this on video?????

Glad you're OK but c'mon - we need video!!!!

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