I've considered emailing this to our President to see if he would mail each U.S. citizen a copy so that I don't get so ticked off when I leave the confines of my home.
Public Service Announcement: For the sake of mankind, please try and follow these simple, courteous rules when you mingle with other homosapiens.
1. Upon opening the entrance door to a building, turn slightly to see if there is someone close behind. If they are within a 3 second-5 second range of the door, hold it for them.
2. The same rule applies to exiting a building.
3. If a woman is coming through a door that is not automatic and is simultaneously juggling a screaming child, diaper bag, purse, and a stroller, a longer rule of thumb will apply. Example 10-15 seconds. That lady really needs some help.
4. If a child is making noise in church and the parent is doing everything necessary to calm them, there is no need for 50 sets of eyes to turn and give mom a bad look. She's trying to get his diaper bag together to get him outta there! No need to stare.
5. Upon entering a parking lot, do NOT under any circumstances hold up an entire lane of traffic while waiting for a mother of 3 to unload her children and groceries into the car so you can get her space. By the time you park and walk those extra 3 parking spaces, all the people behind you could have parked as well. A little walking won't hurt you. Promise. (This especially annoys me when the traffic is then held up into the main driving lane of the shopping center, causing a jam.)
6. If you push your cart of groceries into a long line at the grocery store and the checker in the newly opened lane announcees for "the next in line to check out," THAT IS NOT YOU. That would be any of the people in FRONT of you. You were not next in line to check out. Common courtesy!
7. If I have courteously parked my shopping cart on one side of the aisle (trying to get out of the way) and am looking across at the other side of the aisle at an item, please do not come and stand in front of EXACTLY where I'm looking and search for your item. If you do, you will notice I'm going to cough and clear my throat a ridiculously large number of times. (That'll teach you.)
8. When attending a movie, do not under any circumstances commit any of these moviegoer sins: 1) Scream when the theater goes dark. (Are you 2 years old?)
2) Drench yourself in the strongest scent off the Wal-Mart perfume aisle you can find.
3) Talk across the aisle (and me) to your friend during the movie.
4) Lean over on my armrest and get into my breathing space trying to hear them better.
5) Talk during the entire movie.
6) Leave your cell phone on.
9. If you actually clear your plate at the restaurant, do not try and complain afterward to your waiter that it was cold so you can get free food. (The O'Charley's in Southaven used to be notorious for granting these people free food for this complaint.)
10. Lastly, get off your cell phone in the grocery store unless it's a quick call about a grocery item. If you must chat in the grocery store, move to a deserted part of the store and park yourself there until your call is finished. Some of us are there to buy groceries.
Whew. I feel better.
11 comments:
you are hilarious!! and i completely agree!!
Amen sister. Also, wasn't it O'Charley's where I got free food?? I don't remember why, though. :)
Lori--I'd thought the same, but realized it was a different restaurant...maybe Fridays?
Why do you care if people are talking on their phones in a grocery store? Are they in some way interfering with your dinner conversation? No... that would be a restaurant. Your movie? No wait...a movie theater. Your socializing while you buy groceries? Maybe? I don't get it.
Shellaine--Sorry to rub you the wrong way. ;) My grocery store comment directly relates to the woman talking on her phone to her friend about her friend's boyfriend...all the while blocking the meat department while three of us sat and waited to get ground beef for over 5 minutes. Talk if you must, just be considerate about it.
Sorry Shellaine, I'm with Audra. I can't stand people who hold hour long conversations while grocery shopping. Not because of their conversation or because they're interrupting me - because people simply don't seem to be able to push a cart, grocery shop, and talk on the phone at the same time. If by some miracle they are capable of doing these 3 things simultaneously - they have my blessing to talk on the phone and shop! (Because obviously everyone needs my blessing! HA!)
Very funny, but very true post!
I love this post...but may I also add one that just crawls all over me...People MUST refrain from using "bad words" and inappropriate conversations when children are around. I really don't want to hear it but I REALLY don't want my 3 kids hearing it. Come on- its just a little common sense. And if you are out of line, I'm gonna let ya know, so watch out!
I hate when people get up to the checkout line and are talking on the phone. The employee ask them a question and the customer is going on and on about something on the phone holding up the line. Not to mention the people driving who do not need to talk on the phone as it endangers life in every direction. Everyone knows that person I am talking about! They are in there own little world and should have a sign that I can't walk and breath at the same time!
The Eddlemons--I completely agree with your rant. It's especially annoying when it's blaring through someone's speakers in a place such as the gas station where you have no choice but to hear it. I'm sure this will get on my nerves worse as Drew gets older and picks up language.
Andrew--Agreed. I had patients who used to do this as well! (Go on and on talking on the phone while I was giving discharge instructions AT THE SAME TIME!)
I frequently use my grocery store time to call my mom. I'm not driving, I'm not at work, I'm not doing anything dangerous, and I'm not talking about anything private (you know those people that talk about their doctor's appointments or whatever). But you'll be happy to know that I do stay out of people's way. I recognize I'm not as speedy at the meat counter as other people and let them go first - or I park my cart way out of the way so I can maneuver. So long as I have your blessing for that, I think we're cool :-)
Shellaine - I understand! If someone is capable of doing all those things at once, no biggie! But honestly, most people have trouble walking and breathing at the same time...much less shopping, walking, and talking at the same time! Ha!
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