My house is a mess. I have 1000 things to do. The laundry is calling my name. But right now, I want to write to you. As I type, you're asleep in the other room. Breathing rhythmically. Dreaming about who knows what. Playing chase? Splashing in the tub?
We said our prayers before bed and you attempted to say "Jesus" after I said it. My heart turned flips. It was your first time to say the name of our Savior, our reason for absolutely everything we do in a day. The first time his blessed name graced your lips. It made me think how innocent and pure you are. It made me think of the time where Jesus called the little children unto him. I imagine that he smiles at you so sweetly from heaven when you're being so sweet. When you attempt to say his name. I bet his heart flips, too, because there's nothing more beautiful than a child's innocent heart.
Today I looked at you and all your babyness was gone. It's been gone a while, but today it hit me that you are a toddler. I'm not even sure why they call it "toddlerhood" because you definitely don't toddle. I think that's what made me realize how big you are. You are running, jumping, & cutting corners while playing chase. You are starting to try to speak more. You assert yourself when you're frustrated. You understand SO much. Where is all this time going? Our days together seem to go so quickly all of a sudden.
I love spending these days with you. You hold onto my finger and pull me all over the house, begging to get into anything I'll allow. Some days are mentally tough for both of us. I will go ahead and apologize to you now and continue to do so over the years because I am not a perfect mommy. I'm going to make mistakes as I try to guide you. Please remember--this is my first time, too! I want you to see that I'm a mommy who is not scared to say, "I'm sorry," because I want you to do the same. But I know God has put you into my care because he knows I am capable of raising you to be a strong Christian man. He has put your hand in mine for this sweet journey...
Those sweet little, busy hands. I think back to how small they were on your birth day and how big they are now. How much more control you have over them. And then I think about a year from now. You'll have grown even more then...and I'll look back just like I am now and wish you were still only 19 months old. Can you just stay this age a little longer?
I love the way you smile with your entire face. Your eyes just light up. Those big blue things. You melt me with those! Sometimes when you're in trouble I can hardly look at you, scared I'll back down when I see those beautiful baby blues.
Little boy, I sure do love you. Love you as in...words don't go that far. As in...I would die for you before you could blink once. As in...26 letters in the alphabet don't cover that feeling. As in...sometimes I could squeeze you to pieces because I love you THAT much.
I am SO glad God chose to give you to me. Being your mommy is the greatest privilege I've ever possessed. I promise to do my best in raising you under the Lord's guidance. You have my word. And my heart. Sweet, sweet boy.