A Letter for Hannah

Dear Little Miss Hannah,

Here I sit at 39 weeks, 2 days, awaiting your arrival. Actually I'm awaiting any sign of your impending arrival--breaking of water, contractions...anything to give hope that I get to see your beautiful face soon. While I have a God-given peace about me that you're going to come in our Father's time, I'm still rather impatient to see you, hold you, and kiss your beautiful cheeks!

Before you arrive and our life naturally gets a little hectic, I just want to write and tell you from the very beginning how very excited we are to add you to this family. I want you to know from the time you are a child to the time when you're a teen, a mom, and a grandmother how much you were wanted and loved from the very beginning. Our faithful Lord knew exactly what this family needed--more estrogen! Your Daddy and I were completely thrilled to have a boy or girl as our second baby, but I think the Lord knew the desire of my heart to raise a godly young woman.

I'll never forget the day we went in for your 20 week ultrasound and were told, "Yep, that's definitely a girl!" I could not help but cry buckets. God had seen fit once again to grant me the desire of my heart--not only for another child for whom we had prayed, but a girl. What a blessing. Yet, what a responsibility.

I want you to know that from the time you were conceived in my womb that the only thing I've truly wanted is for you to be a woman of God. I want you to love Him, fear Him, respect Him, admonish Him, turn to Him, and always have faith in Him. I want you to love the Lord more than you love me or Daddy or your siblings. I want you to desire closeness to Him more than your future husband or your children. I want your heart to be buried so deeply within our Lord that anyone who knows you has no choice but to see in whom your faith and commitments lie. And it's because of this desire for you and your siblings that I will try my absolute best to model this behavior for you. Oh, my sweet girl, I'm going to fail so many times. Maybe you're reading this and are able to count so many of the times I have messed up! But God is faithful to His children and He is molding me just as He's molding you into a living vessel. Thank goodness our God is forgiving and merciful!

It's also because of this desire for your spiritual well being that I'm going to make choices for you that you may not always understand. You won't be able to wear everything on the cover of the magazines you see. You may not get to see every movie your friends see. You won't get to go everywhere you may want to go. You won't own every toy that is popular and graces the pages of the toy book. Sometimes I'll will make you do or say things that you won't want to do at the time. But my beautiful daughter, these are temporary struggles that you'll learn from and will shape your beautiful little heart. Mommy doesn't do these things to be mean, but I do them because I love you enough to shield you, protect you, and provide for you. I'm investing in your heart. I do these things because you're going to reap the rewards of a disciplined heart for the rest of your life. And that starts at a young age.

The world I'm raising you in scares me. There are so many struggles for girls now that didn't exist 30 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago. It seems to get harder all the time. But I am confident that God loves us and will help me to protect your sweet mind and raise you faithfully in Him. I am honored--honored--to be your mommy. Every cell within me loves you deeply and I hope you are always confident of that.

Please make your arrival soon! I can't wait to start our sweet journey together!

Love,
Mommy

Mommyhood: Not for the Lighthearted

Drew-Drew,

Wearing the shoes of a "mommy" can sometimes be difficult. But it's literally more difficult when the shoes come off. There are days when you run over my feet with your car, slam your ride-on toy into my heel, trip over me, step on me, drop things on my toes, and pinch me. Some days you are as hardheaded as they come: you fight me for meals, discipline, and diaper changes. Mommyhood is not for the lighthearted.

I can usually see where you've been by the constant trail of mess left behind. You resemble a mini tornado in whatever room you have entered. You are not easily occupied for long--2 minutes per activity--max. You pick stuff out of the trash, pull stuff through locked cabinet doors, empty full laundry baskets onto the floor, climb onto whatever you can, turn on the bathtub faucets, and shove toilet paper down the toilet if given an accidental opportunity. Like I said--little tornado, you are. *Sigh* Mommyhood is not for the lighthearted.

You are not usually grateful for your food. Most of it ends up half chewed and then handed to me or thrown in the floor. Your repertoire of favorite foods is slim, and you're extremely picky about trying anything new. (Hey, you got something from me!) My favorite part of your mealtime is when it's over because it's usually a big fat mess. Then we get to clean up the floor around your high chair for the fourth time in a day. *Sigh* Mommyhood is not for the lighthearted...

So, riddle me this: how with all of this stuff that I've listed which can leave me with acne, bald spots, and a desire to binge eat, do I love you with every cell in my being? Huh? Does that make any sense?! But somehow it is true. Because tonight I was SO ready to throw you in your bed as fast as I could get you there. Then after we sat down in the rocking chair and turned the lights off, you laid your head on my chest and said, "Nigh, nigh" to me. I honestly teared up because my little baby from a year ago is now a little boy. Your once soft feet are now becoming calloused from running without shoes outside. Your little nails have black specks underneath them from digging in the dirt. What was once a bald head is now needing an umpteenth haircut. Those once tiny hands now hold mine for our night time prayer together.

There is something about being your mother that makes me love you no matter what comes our way in a day's time. Something crazy makes me crave your sweet smile and touch just an hour after you've been asleep at night, and I'm still worn plum out. I'm not sure there are words enough to describe how strange that is--but so true! If, at the end of a long evening, I deem it a "bad" day, it's still a good day because I got to be your mom. Wearing that title makes me so proud, no matter the expense.

You and I are learning together; sometimes I think you're teaching me more than I'm teaching you! While you're learning verbal skills, gross motor skills, and fine motor skills, I'm learning patience, persistence, & the power of prayer. I'm glad I'm on this journey with you, even though it's not easy some days! So I'll continue to let you run barefoot and callous up those adorable, chubby feet, and I'll wear the most supportive shoes I own to endure your playtime madness! I love you, little one! This is a fun, learning adventure that, even on our worst days, I'm proud to be on with you!

Love,
Mommy

Little Boy

Little Boy,

My house is a mess. I have 1000 things to do. The laundry is calling my name. But right now, I want to write to you. As I type, you're asleep in the other room. Breathing rhythmically. Dreaming about who knows what. Playing chase? Splashing in the tub?

We said our prayers before bed and you attempted to say "Jesus" after I said it. My heart turned flips. It was your first time to say the name of our Savior, our reason for absolutely everything we do in a day. The first time his blessed name graced your lips. It made me think how innocent and pure you are. It made me think of the time where Jesus called the little children unto him. I imagine that he smiles at you so sweetly from heaven when you're being so sweet. When you attempt to say his name. I bet his heart flips, too, because there's nothing more beautiful than a child's innocent heart.

Today I looked at you and all your babyness was gone. It's been gone a while, but today it hit me that you are a toddler. I'm not even sure why they call it "toddlerhood" because you definitely don't toddle. I think that's what made me realize how big you are. You are running, jumping, & cutting corners while playing chase. You are starting to try to speak more. You assert yourself when you're frustrated. You understand SO much. Where is all this time going? Our days together seem to go so quickly all of a sudden.

I love spending these days with you. You hold onto my finger and pull me all over the house, begging to get into anything I'll allow. Some days are mentally tough for both of us. I will go ahead and apologize to you now and continue to do so over the years because I am not a perfect mommy. I'm going to make mistakes as I try to guide you. Please remember--this is my first time, too! I want you to see that I'm a mommy who is not scared to say, "I'm sorry," because I want you to do the same. But I know God has put you into my care because he knows I am capable of raising you to be a strong Christian man. He has put your hand in mine for this sweet journey...

Those sweet little, busy hands. I think back to how small they were on your birth day and how big they are now. How much more control you have over them. And then I think about a year from now. You'll have grown even more then...and I'll look back just like I am now and wish you were still only 19 months old. Can you just stay this age a little longer?

I love the way you smile with your entire face. Your eyes just light up. Those big blue things. You melt me with those! Sometimes when you're in trouble I can hardly look at you, scared I'll back down when I see those beautiful baby blues.

Little boy, I sure do love you. Love you as in...words don't go that far. As in...I would die for you before you could blink once. As in...26 letters in the alphabet don't cover that feeling. As in...sometimes I could squeeze you to pieces because I love you THAT much.

I am SO glad God chose to give you to me. Being your mommy is the greatest privilege I've ever possessed. I promise to do my best in raising you under the Lord's guidance. You have my word. And my heart. Sweet, sweet boy.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

We sure did miss you today! Mom did her best to keep me happy even though I ran fever this morning and was uber cranky. Today I...

1) Chewed on anything I could get my hands on. Lots of slobber ensued.


2) Contemplated the meaning of "no." I later tested the boundaries.


3) Laughed a lot.


4) Stood up on my own a LOT.


5) ...a whole lot! Mom was so proud. I was about to break out a cheer here in this picture...


6) But I fell down!


7) I managed to make a huge mess, but what's new?!


8) I got caught red handed trying to be just like you with all your cords! Whoops!


9)Mommy was tired of telling me "no," and was getting frustrated, so I shot her my signature look she couldn't resist!


10) And she let me off the hook! ;) Ha ha ha!


We miss & love you more than you'll know!