A video was played in church Sunday morning which got my thinking-wheels turning...so I think I'll write down all these "motherly" thoughts I've been having...
It's 8pm. You've been fed, bathed, played with. You fought me to get your pajamas on. Fought me to go to sleep. But here you are now, lying in my arms. All 20something pounds of you. Still as can be-so unlike you. I rub your hair and notice that you need a haircut--a sign that you're growing up too quickly on me. Your hands, which were once so small, are now so big, so into everything. Your chest rises and falls, and I breathe in your exhaled air. Still smells like baby's breath--just like it did when you were so tiny and new. I love that smell.
Your hand rubs my bare arm in your sleep. So soft and uncalloused. What will these little hands grow up to do? Feed the hungry? Minister to the needy? Comfort your children? Hold the hand of your wife? Maybe. Hopefully. But for now, these little hands are all mine. You are in my care. God has given me such a great and powerful responsibility- to raise you in a way true to His word. To write His scriptures on your heart. To "train you up in the way you should go." What weight those words hold. What responsibility. What selflessness, sacrifice, and self discipline that requires. But you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way.
I pick you up and pause before lying you in your crib. I close my eyes and pray, "God thank you for entrusting me with this little boy. Keep him healthy, and Lord most of all, let him be your child from a young age. Lord, let this little boy multiply your kingdom by many! Help us to be the godly examples you want us to be." I lay you down and whisper that I love you and tiptoe out.
How blessed of a woman I am to be your mother. You make my purpose in life clear. You allow me to experience emotions I never knew were possible. You are my life. My joy. How I love you, little boy!