Saturday, November 13, 2010

A Letter for Hannah

Dear Little Miss Hannah,

Here I sit at 39 weeks, 2 days, awaiting your arrival. Actually I'm awaiting any sign of your impending arrival--breaking of water, contractions...anything to give hope that I get to see your beautiful face soon. While I have a God-given peace about me that you're going to come in our Father's time, I'm still rather impatient to see you, hold you, and kiss your beautiful cheeks!

Before you arrive and our life naturally gets a little hectic, I just want to write and tell you from the very beginning how very excited we are to add you to this family. I want you to know from the time you are a child to the time when you're a teen, a mom, and a grandmother how much you were wanted and loved from the very beginning. Our faithful Lord knew exactly what this family needed--more estrogen! Your Daddy and I were completely thrilled to have a boy or girl as our second baby, but I think the Lord knew the desire of my heart to raise a godly young woman.

I'll never forget the day we went in for your 20 week ultrasound and were told, "Yep, that's definitely a girl!" I could not help but cry buckets. God had seen fit once again to grant me the desire of my heart--not only for another child for whom we had prayed, but a girl. What a blessing. Yet, what a responsibility.

I want you to know that from the time you were conceived in my womb that the only thing I've truly wanted is for you to be a woman of God. I want you to love Him, fear Him, respect Him, admonish Him, turn to Him, and always have faith in Him. I want you to love the Lord more than you love me or Daddy or your siblings. I want you to desire closeness to Him more than your future husband or your children. I want your heart to be buried so deeply within our Lord that anyone who knows you has no choice but to see in whom your faith and commitments lie. And it's because of this desire for you and your siblings that I will try my absolute best to model this behavior for you. Oh, my sweet girl, I'm going to fail so many times. Maybe you're reading this and are able to count so many of the times I have messed up! But God is faithful to His children and He is molding me just as He's molding you into a living vessel. Thank goodness our God is forgiving and merciful!

It's also because of this desire for your spiritual well being that I'm going to make choices for you that you may not always understand. You won't be able to wear everything on the cover of the magazines you see. You may not get to see every movie your friends see. You won't get to go everywhere you may want to go. You won't own every toy that is popular and graces the pages of the toy book. Sometimes I'll will make you do or say things that you won't want to do at the time. But my beautiful daughter, these are temporary struggles that you'll learn from and will shape your beautiful little heart. Mommy doesn't do these things to be mean, but I do them because I love you enough to shield you, protect you, and provide for you. I'm investing in your heart. I do these things because you're going to reap the rewards of a disciplined heart for the rest of your life. And that starts at a young age.

The world I'm raising you in scares me. There are so many struggles for girls now that didn't exist 30 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago. It seems to get harder all the time. But I am confident that God loves us and will help me to protect your sweet mind and raise you faithfully in Him. I am honored--honored--to be your mommy. Every cell within me loves you deeply and I hope you are always confident of that.

Please make your arrival soon! I can't wait to start our sweet journey together!

Love,
Mommy

2 comments:

Laura said...

You would make a great writer because you word things so beautifully. I wish I had that gift.

Rhetta said...

Audra, this is so beautiful. Maybe it's all the hormones, but it's definitely got me tearing up right now! These are the things I want for Parker, too. It is a scary world, but if we can raise our children to love the Lord, perhaps it will be less scary in the future. I hope you have an easy, safe delivery and see your little girl very soon!

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